Jet lag

I've lost two hours sleep starting from last monday. Since I've had my accident, I have permanent medical restrictions that stop me from doing the job that I was doing previously. From the moment I returned to work, I've been shafted around to different positions.

For the last couple of months I was on loan doing some computer work, I started at 7 am which meant that I used to get up around 5 am. I'm meant to be starting a 3 months training/trial period on the 13 th of March in a new position but unfortunately I had to return to my previous post in the meantime.

That means that I now have to get up at 3 am everyday for the next two weeks. It's not that I live far from work, it's just that public transport sucks in Sydney. For me to get from A to B, I actually need to go to Z first !
Consequently I'm feeling pretty bugged at the moment. I like getting up early in the morning but that's pushing it a bit...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Eye Candy.

For those of you who enjoy something different, have a look at a site called "worth1000.com". It's essentially a place where you will find great photoshop art as well as photography, text and multimedia works.
I am currently a member (Carpetshark) and from time to time I like to enter some of the advanced photoshop themed competitions. I have won several juror awards and even finished first in one competition.
Here are a collection of submitted works for you to enjoy. (Click on each pick for a closer look).

Sightings 6 (Over the limit)

Superstunts 6 (Yeehaaw ! )

Oxymorons (Classic Rock)

Mass destruction (Hang on !)

A question of taste.

My other half arrived home from work with a packet of chips last night. She pointed to me excitedly that it was a new flavour ! Those chip were made to taste like "sausage sizzle".....makes me wonder....when will I be able to buy potato chips flavoured sausages ? Everything seems to be about new flavours these days, what's wrong with food that taste exactly like what they are made of ? lol

Liam Markus

I've often wondered where are the DI happy kids, well I found one and i'm sure they are others but as my better half pointed out, people who are content with their life probably don't feel such a strong need to tell others.

On February 22nd 2004, the Australian branch of the TV program called "60 minutes " ran a story on DI which aired on channel 9. The interviewer was Tara Brown, I have edited it on purpose to highlight the responses to questions by a young DC man named Liam Markus who seems to be happy about who he is.


"INTRO — TARA BROWN: Back in the '70s it was seen as a noble community service, giving real hope to infertile couples … sperm donors, mostly young men, mostly students who did their bit to help create happy families. And in Australia alone, an estimated 10,000 babies were born thanks to this artificial insemination program. A happy ending you'd think, but no, those babies have grown up and many are disenchanted. Some are desperate to trace their biological fathers and some feel so cheated they want the whole program stopped to prevent any more children being born this way."

"......TARA BROWN: So what do you know about your donor father?

LIAM MARKUS: I know that he went to Duntroon Military College for two years, at least.

TARA BROWN: Twenty-five-year-old Liam Markus was conceived in Canberra thanks to a donation from a young military student.

Do you look into the faces of strangers you see on the streets and say, "I wonder if you could be my dad?"

LIAM MARKUS: Yeah, sometimes … yeah, I mean, of course it crosses your mind, you know, if someone sort of looks similar or something, but yeah, not normally.

TARA BROWN: He knows very little about his biological father and, apart from learning his medical history, has no driving urge to find him.

LIAM MARKUS: I think it's a brave decision, yeah. I mean, it can't have been easy to go into a sort of fertility clinic knowing that you're donating sperm to make people. Yeah, I'm glad that he did. I thank him for his genes wherever he may be and I'm really glad that he did.

TARA BROWN: And what did you think of your parent's decision to conceive you in this way?

LIAM MARKUS: It tells me they wanted me pretty bad, yeah. And I also feel very warm about that. They've obviously gone through a lot of pain and trouble to bring me into the world and I appreciate that fact.

......

TARA BROWN: For adults like Liam, the only chance they have of finding their biological fathers is if those men contact one of the voluntary registries throughout Australia. Even today, donors are still anonymous, except in Victoria, where, since 1998, they must be identifiable.

How do you feel about people who say that they have a right to know their biological history at all costs?

LIAM MARKUS: I mean, I respect their beliefs. I believe that I can understand how it could really become an overriding factor in your life. But as for myself, I'd have no desire to sort of go out there and make it the be-all and end-all of my life, and I'm happy."

http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/sixtyminutes/stories/2004_02_22/story_1035.asp

Digital art

A couple of my digital works incorporating photographs and photoshop techniques for you to enjoy.

Catch 22

In reply to Michael Linden's post on Richard's blog post.

I am somewhat disapointed but at least your true colours are finally showing, I do not see any love in what you posted just a desire stronger than reason to win at all costs....and believe me at the end, it will not only cost the children but destroy the very thing that you are fighting for.

When I first started bringing the Tanglewebs people to my blog, I did it because I wanted to leave the channel open, but now I realise, Michael, that all you want to do is close it forever.

Tanglewebs may very well succeed in influencing governments and perhaps one day even convince them to ban the practice alltogether....but then you will just shoot yourself in the foot..

The only thing that you will succeed in doing with your radical views is to drive the practice underground. DC will not just disappear because a law is passed in parliament ! ...It may not be in your face anymore but it will be there. In fact I can anticipate that there would be a lot more abuse and misuse if it ended being the case, no one would ever tell their children in fear of reprisal for a start, money will still exchange hands, nothing will change. It will just be done in hiding, like abortion, in many countries where it is banned.

It's not because guns are outlawed that there is none.....
it's not because drugs are illegal that there is none...
it's not because abortion is illegal in 97 countries that none take place there....


I think you get the picture.

But then you'll be too busy celebrating your victory in the name of mankind, patting each other on the back for a job well done while the suffering will go on forever.

A small step for mankind, a giant leap towards stupidity.

Co - parenting

The co-parenting option raised by "Lia" as a comment in my last post is certainly an interesting concept yet it only raises more questions. I couldn't agree more with "Richard's" response on the matter but I'd like to add a few more points.

First of all why is it that when some people talk about DI it always falls down to the rights of the biological father ?...as if a biological father is some kind of divine persona ? I think there is a bit too much ego tripping here. I have mentioned this in another post previously but I shall reiterate it ....what the biological father gives to a couple is not a child as such, it is only part of the equation. Sperm is... well exactly that...no matter what you do with your sperm alone it will not turn into a child.

In order to create life, that sperm will have to fertilise an egg....that egg belongs to the BIOLOGICAL MOTHER of that child.
She's the one who will be carrying the baby and after 9 months or so will give birth to a child. She's the other part of the equation, and her role is certainly just as important, (actually more important in my opinion), not only does she carry the child and the associated responsibilities but for those 9 months the embryo will be totally reliant on his mother.

The man on the other hand has it easy, and that's even in relations where fertility is not an issue. However I seldom see (I have not yet seen is probably more correct ) any post putting the biological mother on the same pedestal as that of the biological father in a DI conception. It's almost as she is of second rate importance, everything seems to revolve around the biological father...

So to return to the co - parenting issue...Well the biological mother of the child would have to agree first, then the Donor would have to agree as well ...not all Donors would necessarily want to become a co-parent, then the other parent of the child would need to feel comfortable with the idea...it's a bit like "menage a trois "and it would inevitably lead to unecessary tensions. That's a lot of people to consider...and I almost forgot...doesn't the child gets his say as well ??!!....NOT ALL Di conceived children have a need or a wish to meet there biological father ...Interesting how one can advocate about the rights of the child in regards to DI because they didn't have a say in that process but yet at the same time is prepared to relinquish those very same rights when it suits !

Co parenting would not be much dissimilar to having a dysfunctional family whereas two parents are divorced and then remarried and where both biological parents must share parental visits. Now this situation is very confusing at best for a young child.




Actually from my own experience as a kid of divorced parents, that's one sure way of screwing (excuse my French) with your child's mind.

There is also another issue with having a co-parent...I mean if they want to be part of my kids life from an early age. then they should also be prepared to share all the expenses involved in raising a child, be on hand to change nappies now and again and sign a contract that stipulates that should something happen to me, they would be responsible for the financial support of that child as any other parent is required by law

My kids would be free to contact their biological father at an age where they can make their own decisions and take their own responsibilities. or at least have a clear understanding and the maturity to deal with such a process.

The right to life. part II

When I first thought about posting something on that subject, I knew I was opening Pandora's box. I hesitated many times before doing so, my better half thought that may be I should leave it alone because this is such a controversial subject. However my decision to go ahead was based on the fact that Tanglewebs had posted their views openly on their website.

Freedom of speech allows me therefore to post my own views on the subject as well. There is obviously a difference in opinion, that's a good thing I think, let's face it, if everyone agreed on everything the world would be a very boring place to live in.

There is a lot of talk about the hurt of the children but how does one measure pain ?

For the infertile couple the pain is absolute, for myself there is no chance for me to ever conceive without the aid of a biological donor (father). There is no one I can blame, no people to turn to, no organisation to support me, no chance of having my genetic condition reversed, no hope and let's not forget that I was once a child too. I was a child raised with the understanding that procreating was a natural part of life, the survival of the human kind, a primeval right.


So I am left with many questions unanswered, who am I ? Am I an anomaly, a freak of nature ?, What is my purpose in life ?...those questions haunt me at times, to the point where the thought of suicide has crossed my mind on occasion and I am probably not an isolated case.

However pain is a subjective thing...we all experience pain in many different ways and some cope better than others. I also see the word " intentionaly " mentioned in some of the posts but is my pain easier to live with because it just happened ? I don't believe so , Pain is pain whether it was caused with or without intent, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, pain is a very personal thing.

As for couples intentionally creating hurt to a child because of their recourse to using DC, I think that nothing could be further from the truth. Infertile couples who go through with DC give themselves as a whole, there intent is to give love not create hurt. Not all children born via DC experience hurt, some do, some don't.

There is no doubt that there has been some abuse in the past, still is, and probably always will be to a point and because of that fact, there is a need to work on better regulations. For my part, I also believe in informing my children about how they came to be from an early age. We know that our donor is willing to be contacted and should my kids wish to do so, I would do all that I can in order for them to be able to make that genetic contact.

The X-MEN

I remember how a young woman once messaged my better half . She was worried that her child might inherit a genetic defect refered to as 47 XXY or Klinefelter's syndrome (KS). She knew that I had this genetic anomaly and wanted me to advise her on what it was like to live a life with an extra X. She was actually seriously considering not having a child if she found out that he had KS.

When I was first diagnosed, it was during the course of an infertility test, it was last year and I'd just turned 41. The fertility specialist confirmed that I had azoospermia and mentioned something about being "Klinefelter". I had never heard of it before in my life and so when I got home, I jumped onto google and started to read everything I could find including forums and testimonies.

There was a lot of information out there which I skimmed through, some of the sites were about transexuals, others described symptoms which really seemed scary. So for the uninformed out there the idea of giving birth to a child with KS probably conjures up images of a mutant hairless creature with arms and legs like a spider and an IQ equal to one's house cat.

In reality while there are a list of symptoms or characteristics often seen with KS people, not every person is going to get all of them or any of them for that matter plus like any other diseases, symptoms can range from mild to more severe. The only common symptom is the fact that 47 XXY are infertile.

One of the common symptoms mentionned is that KS people are hairless and rather taller than the average. I have a goatee and while I am taller than my wife I'm certainly no giant at 171 cm. Also levels of testosterone may vary with this syndrome, for my part my levels are within normal range, on the lower end of the scale but within normal range nonetheless.

The strange thing though was that I found myself looking back at my life trying to find things that happened that may fill the 47 XXY mold. They are a few things that I can find during my adolescence where I can draw a line to it, but all in all I am mostly a product of my environment. Had my parents had known that I was KS my life may have been slightly different to a degree but I don't think that it would have changed in any great way.

One of the more worrying aspect of being KS for me is the greater likelyhood of developing some auto imune disease in later life but I try not to think about it too much, after all there are no guarantees in life and I could easily die from something else such as the time I had my motorcycle accident I could have died there and then, but it wasn't to be therefore I should live my life to the fullest.


So what is it like for me ?

I feel that I am less agressive than other males and perhaps more in tune with my feelings and those of others. When there is a party I find myself much more comfortable chatting with the women in the kitchen rather than being with the men talking about cars or blokey things. In a social setting I find people tend to open up more easily to me, perhaps because I appear to be non-threatening to most and because of my caring nature. Having said that I can also have my moods and if pushed past a certain limit people will know. I mean it's not because I am usually a nice person that any one should mistake me for a doormat either.

I find it hard to describe how It feels like exactly to be KS for me, however I like to think of myself as an "X-Man", to me it's not a deficiency but a genetic improvement since I have been given an Extra X which in turns brings to me some of the caring nature of women that many men lack of. It's the best of both worlds basically.

The right to life

"TangledWebs Statement on Donor Conception (DC)"

"1 No-one has the right to a child. To claim the right to a child is to treat that child, another human being, as an end to satisfying one's own desires, as an object and not as a person. To claim the right to a child is to claim jurisdiction over another human being's life when they have no say in the matter, when they have not given their consent, informed or otherwise. The fact that DC children cannot give consent because they are not yet alive is not an argument for putting their interests to one side; rather it is a powerful argument for ceasing the practice of DC altogether, or at the very least for being extremely careful about and limited in the ways we practice it."

http://www.tangledwebs.org.au/



No child whether born through DC or more natural means have a say in the matter, now that is factual. Having a child is not a right to me because to bring the notion of "right or wrong" you have to have been influenced by your environment, it is based on a set of values that we learned as children in the first place and which become an issue seen and debated mostly by adults.
However If I was to follow this statement should we also stop all conceptions which may not be in the best interest of the child. This then becomes rather frightening when you think of all the children in this world that have potentially problematic childhood in front of them such as handicapped, poor or generally unhealthy kids. Then you have to look at the parents as well, should we allow parents to have kids just because they can ?

What about if you learned that someone in your family died of Cancer per say, there would obviously be a chance that you would pass on that gene to any future new born, so does that mean that you should not have children ?

Let's look at myself here for a minute. I've got a genetic disorder which stops me from creating life, who should I blame ? I mean, I never asked to be born with an anomality but I am happy to have been created, even though the fact that I cannot conceive causes me much grief at times, yet if we were to follow up that first statement it would mean that someone else could make that decision on my behalf before I was actually conceived....and what makes them think that they would have the right to take such a decision ?!

"The claim that to give the embryo the status of a human life means that we have to give the separate ovum and sperm also the status of human life is scientifically untrue and philosophically dishonest.

Conception is the first moment in the life of a human being when it can be said both scientifically and philosophically that there is now a distinct entity with all the necessary genetic attributes for being able to learn to read and write among any other endowments humans may have. The fact that a newborn baby only has the potential for such gifts in no way diminishes that child's humanity: the same thing applies to the human in the womb. Equally the fact that handicap may frustrate the development of such gifts makes a human child no less human any more than an ordinary person who through injury or sickness is deprived of speech or loses his/her memory becomes a non-person.

To claim that the ovum and sperm are human life can be likened to saying that arms and legs are human life. They most certainly are part of human life but they are not distinct entities and no matter how they grow they can never be anything other than arms and legs. In the same way no matter how the ovum develops of its own it can never be anything other than an ovum, unless it is fertilized. The embryo on the other hand simply has to grow and develop in the same way as a newborn baby or any other member of the human species.
A distinct individual of this sort commences when a single cell of human origin and with a human genotype gains the power to organize its own growth, multiplication and differentiation in a way which ordinarily leads to a human adult requiring nothing other than nutrition and a favourable environment.."

http://www.spuc.org.uk/ethics/art/intrusion-on-nature

The big 100

I was reading a blog called "stella and/or Ben" where there was a post called 100 things. I found that it was not only a great idea in terms of giving readers a chance to know you a little bit more but also a chance to lighten up a bit . So here is mine.

1. I like my coffee black without sugar.

2. I can bend notes on my harmonica and sometimes even spoons when I hit the high notes.

3. I once had a pet rat named Charlotte.

4. My grandfather fought in the French Foreign Legion during WWII. He was awarded a medal for escaping from a POW camp and one for single handily shooting down an enemy airplane with a heavy machine gun.

5. I have a sweet tooth.

6. Therefore I visit the dentist often.

7. And consequently I could have upgraded my computer several times if not for spending money on my teeth instead.

8. I once had to wear a bear suit after loosing a bet with my wife.

9. I once was a PC user, then I met my wife, she convinced me to buy a Mac (under duress) lol.

10. I have pale blue eyes.

11. I wear glasses since as long as I can remember.

12. I can speak and write both French and English fluently.

13. I have written poetry in both languages in the past.

14. I was born with a talent for drawing. I can draw anything from memory in less than a minute except faces of people I know.

15. I have eclectic music tastes from Andrea Bocelli to ZZ top.

16. The band I'm obsessed with ATM is called " the Waifs ".

17. I have a full bar at home because I seldom drink.

18. When I was young I loved a French dish called "steak tartar" (raw horse mince served with raw egg, mustard and capers ) nowadays I won't touch any piece of meat unless it has been "nuked" beforehand.

19. I am not a religious person but sometimes it's nice to think that there may be something out there guiding our steps.

20. I was riding a Honda VT600 when I got T-boned by a car.

21. I'm lucky to have been able to visit many countries when younger.

22. I once ate moose stew in Norway near the Polar Circle.

23. I don't care what anyone else says but Belgium still produces the finest chocolates and the best beers.

24. I might be a Frenchman but I don't know much about wines except that the price of a bottle is not always relative to the way it taste.

25. I have one brother who lives with his wife and 2 kids in France.

26. Although I have a full motorcycle licence, I am still learning to drive a car

27. I left school at 16. I left home at 18..

28. I have a quiet nature, so people say, but ask my wife and she might tell you differently.

29. I love wide open spaces. (just as well I moved to Australia).

30. My wife caught me once playing the harmonica in the shower, our bathroom has great acoustics.

31. I did tertiary studies in fine arts in Australia.

32. I love any book written by "Nelson Demille".

33. Although I am not a bad cook, I don't cook often.

34. I don't have a green thumb but I manage to grow a variety of chilli peppers in my garden.

35. I have short brown hair and a goatee.

36. Writing this list is harder than I previously thought.

37. We have a goldfish called Marley and a snail called Barney. They go into a feeding frenzy each time we put a new plant in their fishbowl.

38. I share my bedroom with teddy bears, yes even at my age !

39. Pushing a shopping trolley with a broken wheel demands a certain amount of expertise hence why it is my job.

40. I don't like crowded places.

41. I was born under the sign of the Virgo but I am also a Dragon in the Chinese horoscope.

42. I usually get up early in the morning.

43. I've always been fascinated by sharks. I believe that they are not only the ultimate predator in the ocean but beautiful creatures as well.

44. I value honesty, trust and loyalty.

45. Some people say that I have a warped sense of humour.

46. Although I have a dual citizenship, I always travel on my Australian passport.

47. On September 11 2001, my wife and I learned of the tragic news while awaiting to board a flight from Denpasar airport in Bali to Sydney Australia.

48. When you think of how much we've progressed in the last 50 years thanks to new technology, why is it that no one has yet designed a machine where you can just throw your clothes in one end and shoots them out the other fully ironed !

49. It still takes me forever to write a 3 line SMS.

50. I'm not one to wear designer labels.

51. I eat almost everything, I love my veggies.

52. I am not slightly overweight it's just that I carry an extra chromosome !

53. I don't practice any sport and I don't particularly enjoy watching sport on TV unless it involves racing cars with vivid colours.

54. I sometimes enjoy watching Australia play rugby against France because the way I see it, I'm a winner either way.

55. I'm most definitively not a handyman, but I once managed to repair one of our door locks just by following instructions I found on the internet.

56. Are we there yet ?

57. I don't watch much TV because there's rarely something worth watching.

58. I've been connected to the internet since the mid nineties. It was very different then.

59. I met my wife via a single's website.

60. I enjoy digital medias and some of my works are displayed on this site "worth1000.com". You'll find me there under the nickname "Carpetshark".

61. I enjoy meeting new people online or otherwise and discovering new cultures.

62. I was an avid chess player when younger, and I managed to do the impossible, beat my grandfather once in front of my whole family. He was just as proud as I was.

63. My great grandmother whom I loved dearly had been deported to a concentration camp during WWII and still had a series of numbers tattooed on her forearm.

65. My grandmother on my mum's side died tragically when drug addicts broke into her house and tied her up to a chair then left. It was a few days before anyone realised and by then it was too late.

66. One of my uncle committed suicide for no apparent reasons less than two years ago and only 2 weeks before Christmas.

67. My father is the only member of my family that lives here in Australia. We mostly have a superficial relationship.

68. Choosing to come to live in Australia was one of the best decision I've ever made, It wasn't easy especially at the beginning, but I have absolutely no regrets.

69. it's not my favourite position.

70. I love video games, I have a playstation 2 and I sometimes play online on my computer. I'm a member of an online clan.

71. I've never had to wear a tie at work.

72. My better half reckons that I look good in pink.

73. My favourite colour is blue or black depending on the mood of the day.

74. I toured Victoria last year with members of my overseas family and didn't spot one single kangaroo to their disappointment.

75. There's a little shop in Apollo bay situated on the great ocean road In the state of Victoria that makes the best custard tarts I've ever eaten by far.

76. I once worked in animal husbandry as a primate handler.

77. I used to love watching "skippy the bush kangaroo" in France when I was only a kid, It made me dream of faraway places, I now live that dream.

78. I was exempt of doing my military service due to health issues at the time.

79. I've never been convicted of any crime, I've never even had a parking or speed ticket under my name.

80. I wonder how many of you managed to make it that far ?

81. Can I cheat and jump to 100 ?

82. I like exotic flavours and spicy dishes.

83. No, I don't have any alien abduction stories involving probes to tell you about.

84. My current mobile phone ringtone is a tune by los lobos called Spanish guitar I think.

85. I like percussion instruments and I own some bongos, 3 Djembe drums and a Darabouka drum as well. I can play a little.

86. I bought a guitar for my wife about 2 years ago for her birthday, she's still struggling with it.

87. Some of my favourite painters include, Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte.

88. I once went to the famous "folies bergeres" in Paris as an underage teenager. I was rather disappointed.

89. I've once dated a Tunisian, a Peruvian and an American girlfriend, but not at the same time of course !

90. I learn something new everyday in my life.

91. At home I do the vacuuming, oops where did the fish go ?

92. My wife wants me to get off the computer so that she can write her 100 list too !

93. For the Americans reading this, sorry but they are no kangaroos hopping in the streets of Sydney contrarily to what your travel magazines might tell you.

94. Before my accident 3 years ago, I'd never broken a bone in my body. Yet I managed to break one bone in nine places in one go during the accident.

95. I treat everyone with respect until they piss me off.

96. If I had more money and time, I'd like to travel and visit new places.

97. I'd like to see a great white shark up close and personal from the protection of a shark cage. I hear they do that in South Australia.

98. I'll pass that one...

99. Almost there....

100. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lost in translation

Well it sure has been a week out of the ordinary, I'm feeling rather exhausted today. Having this young French woman at home has been fun, we've shared a few laughs as our visitor is practicing her english and she sometimes gets words mixed up.
It's been a little bit tiring and confusing for me as I have to juggle between two languages for most of the time.
She plays the guitar well and so both my wife and I grabbed an instrument and tryed to play with her...I told them that we'd make a fortune busking in the streets, people would pay us to go away for sure ! ;)

We are hoping that she will find herself a nice little apartment to share before the end of this weekend.

It's another hot day here in Sydney and I'm dozing on the keyboard.

An unexpected overseas visitor.

Yesterday we picked up from the bus stop this young french woman who is currently travelling in Australia and working in Sydney at the moment.
The story began when a common friend to my mum and I wrote me an email to let me know that her young neighbour was currently in Australia and that it might be nice if we met each other.
I just casually exchanged a few emails and phone calls with this unknown person and she seemed nice over the phone and then the other day she was struggling to find a room to rent for just a few days. She has found a place to stay starting from the 7th of February, but because she had to leave the previous flat she was in, the transition period prooved to be a bit more of a challenge in finding a place to stay than what she had anticipated.

After consulting briefly with my wife, I offered her to stay with us for a few days. My wife was a little bit apprehensive and I can understand this since we didn't know her at all. Plus under the circumstances we are currently in, I wasn't sure whether we were ready to share our personal space.


As it turns out she is a very bright young woman who speaks very good english and although she has only been with us since yesterday afternoon, we have kind of bonded straight away. She smiles a lot, has a great sense of humour and is very inquisitive.
Last night she played some french folk songs on our guitar, very nice !

It's kind of weird because I have become very protective of her very quickly, I find myself concerned over her safety .When you're 23 , you tend to be fearless, a little bit gullible and more likely to do silly things than when you are 41 and have a little bit more knowledge and experiences in your life.
So when she said casually that she was going to do some hitchhiking to come to our place, I kind of panicked in my mind, sure Australia is a "safe" country as opposed to others, but hey I wouldn't recommend for a young beautiful woman to go hitchhiking in any bloody country regardless on how "safe" it is rated!

So I had to tell her about the do's and don'ts for a few things, I translate stuff for her from french to english and vice versa and answer all her questions to the best of my ability. I kind of feel a degree of responsability towards her, and subconsciously I think I see myself as a "father figure".
I mean realistically speaking had I had children when young, I could have had a 20 something year old daughter, so it's kind of giving me a very small taste of what it must feel like to be a father and I find it very rewarding even with a total stranger. I really look forward to raising a kid ...

I think that it will do us good to have our overseas visitor sharing our home with us despite some of our early reservations . Sure she might be disrupting our space just a little, but I believe that it will do us good to focus on someone else for a change.

Oh well today is Saturday here, I have vacuum cleaning duties to assume among other things so "A bientot" and have a good and safe weekend wherever you are !

Letter to Michael

For those who haven't been introduced, Michael Linden, is an ex donor who now believes that DI conception ought to be stopped. He his a member of a group called "tangledwebs" and You can find his blog "here".

Now I'm the kind of person who will always be opened to hearing from people whose beliefs might be different than mine. I believe that it is not only of utmost importance but that there is much to learn when looking at issues from another perspective.

Although I am happy for Michael to post freely on my blog even though I find some of his views to be somewhat extreme, I would like to comment on his last post which I'll quote ..

"Michael said...

Ultimately, the medical practitioners and infertility clinics are culpable and also the governments which via inadequate legislation or none at all have allowed them to get away with violating the donor conceived persons' rights. People seeking fertility treatment are merely pawns in their game and, of course, reliable sources of ongoing revenue."

To refer to TTC DI couples as "merely pawns" is rather demeaning. All couples make an informed choice. It's not as easy as trying to decide whether you're going to go for a pistachio or a chocolate gellato, it takes a lot and I mean a lot out of TTC couples.
It's a very hard decision to take and it is not taken lightly. We make a choice and accept the responsabilities.

It's somewhat arrogant to assume that we are being manipulated by the medical profession. It is a long and painful journey for most of us, some will call upon the generosity of a donor and the help of the medical profession but for others it will break them and they will forever loose their sense of purpose in life.

Now if you feel more comfortable being refered to as the "biological father" rather than the "donor", that's fine by me because it's really just about being politically correct more than anything else as far as I am concerned.

This is not about who is right or wrong, however may I suggest that when trying to bring your point of view across, you do so while keeping in mind that some of the people referred to as "merely pawns" are not just an abstract concept, they are very much alive and deserve some respect.

All in all let's face it no one is going to win a debate based on emotions. You are most welcome to keep on posting on this blog but please just don't patronise us.

Till death do us part.

The other day I came home from work and found my wife home early. With tears in her eyes she said "it's not fair, what did we do to deserve this ?". It was just one of those days when emotions take over.For a lot of people, having a baby is sometimes almost taken for granted because it is such a natural part of life and yet others like us have to suffer for unknown reasons.
I feel sometimes angry at myself for bringing so much pain to her since we have been married.
You see we had a wonderful wedding, but shortly after, as I was riding my motorbike home, I got T-boned by a car who failed to give way.

I can't begin imagining what it must have been like for her to get a phone call from the police letting her know that her husband had been taken by ambulance to the hospital.
I remember seeing her in shock in the emergency room as doctors where frantically wiring my body to a number of machines. "It's Ok, I'm alright " I said, but I must have looked anything but alright with a neck brace on, a badly bruised shoulder, a broken wrist and an ankle which was so swollen it was almost the size of my thigh.

I spent almost 2 weeks in hospital and then a further 10 days in a rehab centre. During that time, I was totally dependant on the nursing staff, due to the nature of my injuries, I wasn't allowed to either put my right foot down or using my left wrist. I couldn't walk or wash myself and I even relied on someone to help me eat.

I can imagine the stress she was going through at the time, coping with work and not knowing if, when or how I was going to recover, but everyday she found the strength and took time to visit me. She was my daily dose of sunshine.

I eventually came out in a wheelchair and started rehab on both wrist and ankle, I averaged 5 physio sessions in as many days ...anyway those last two years have been punctuated with doctor's visits and numerous physio sessions some so painful, I was in tears by the end of it. My left wrist was shattered in 9 places. and required two surgeries...one to put 13 screws,3 wires and 2 Tplates to hold it together and 6 months later all the hardware had to be removed as my tendons were starting to rub against the plates. I suffered a crush fracture on my right ankle which required surgery also for a busted tendon. and finally I had surgery on my right shoulder as well.
Now I'm not telling you all this so that you can feel sorry for me, there are some people who have had much worse injuries than mine, it's just to give you an idea of what we've been through since our wedding.

And so it was in August last year, we were at my GP, she was explaining to me that some of my injuries will always remain, notably my ankle because it took the brunt of it all, and then in the same breath she told me that my test results had come back and that I had nil sperm in my ejaculate. It felt like as if the GP had just put the last nail in my coffin.

Also for the last 8 years my mother in Law who is a wonderful lady has been battling cancer and it has just been so hard for my wife emotionally those last two years that I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make all her worries go away. It's in times like these that I feel so powerless and at times guilty but I know that I have to remain strong, strong enough for the both of us.

I. DD, Love and cherish you. V, for being all that you are, and all that you can be. Know that I am here for you and that all your joys and pain will be mine. I ask for your love, your trust, your caring. I choose you to be my wife till death do us part.