The right to life. part II
When I first thought about posting something on that subject, I knew I was opening Pandora's box. I hesitated many times before doing so, my better half thought that may be I should leave it alone because this is such a controversial subject. However my decision to go ahead was based on the fact that Tanglewebs had posted their views openly on their website.
Freedom of speech allows me therefore to post my own views on the subject as well. There is obviously a difference in opinion, that's a good thing I think, let's face it, if everyone agreed on everything the world would be a very boring place to live in.
There is a lot of talk about the hurt of the children but how does one measure pain ?
For the infertile couple the pain is absolute, for myself there is no chance for me to ever conceive without the aid of a biological donor (father). There is no one I can blame, no people to turn to, no organisation to support me, no chance of having my genetic condition reversed, no hope and let's not forget that I was once a child too. I was a child raised with the understanding that procreating was a natural part of life, the survival of the human kind, a primeval right.
So I am left with many questions unanswered, who am I ? Am I an anomaly, a freak of nature ?, What is my purpose in life ?...those questions haunt me at times, to the point where the thought of suicide has crossed my mind on occasion and I am probably not an isolated case.
However pain is a subjective thing...we all experience pain in many different ways and some cope better than others. I also see the word " intentionaly " mentioned in some of the posts but is my pain easier to live with because it just happened ? I don't believe so , Pain is pain whether it was caused with or without intent, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, pain is a very personal thing.
As for couples intentionally creating hurt to a child because of their recourse to using DC, I think that nothing could be further from the truth. Infertile couples who go through with DC give themselves as a whole, there intent is to give love not create hurt. Not all children born via DC experience hurt, some do, some don't.
There is no doubt that there has been some abuse in the past, still is, and probably always will be to a point and because of that fact, there is a need to work on better regulations. For my part, I also believe in informing my children about how they came to be from an early age. We know that our donor is willing to be contacted and should my kids wish to do so, I would do all that I can in order for them to be able to make that genetic contact.
Freedom of speech allows me therefore to post my own views on the subject as well. There is obviously a difference in opinion, that's a good thing I think, let's face it, if everyone agreed on everything the world would be a very boring place to live in.
There is a lot of talk about the hurt of the children but how does one measure pain ?
For the infertile couple the pain is absolute, for myself there is no chance for me to ever conceive without the aid of a biological donor (father). There is no one I can blame, no people to turn to, no organisation to support me, no chance of having my genetic condition reversed, no hope and let's not forget that I was once a child too. I was a child raised with the understanding that procreating was a natural part of life, the survival of the human kind, a primeval right.
So I am left with many questions unanswered, who am I ? Am I an anomaly, a freak of nature ?, What is my purpose in life ?...those questions haunt me at times, to the point where the thought of suicide has crossed my mind on occasion and I am probably not an isolated case.
However pain is a subjective thing...we all experience pain in many different ways and some cope better than others. I also see the word " intentionaly " mentioned in some of the posts but is my pain easier to live with because it just happened ? I don't believe so , Pain is pain whether it was caused with or without intent, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, pain is a very personal thing.
As for couples intentionally creating hurt to a child because of their recourse to using DC, I think that nothing could be further from the truth. Infertile couples who go through with DC give themselves as a whole, there intent is to give love not create hurt. Not all children born via DC experience hurt, some do, some don't.
There is no doubt that there has been some abuse in the past, still is, and probably always will be to a point and because of that fact, there is a need to work on better regulations. For my part, I also believe in informing my children about how they came to be from an early age. We know that our donor is willing to be contacted and should my kids wish to do so, I would do all that I can in order for them to be able to make that genetic contact.
posted by MAX at 8:45 PM
2 Comments:
Lia,
I know that I almost certainly wouldn't be prepared to 'co-parent' my child with a complete stranger. I understand that our donor will be important to the identity of my children but I will be his father and one of his 2 parents and it will be us that decides what is best for him/her, just as my parents did for me.
A donor is not a parent unless a known donor is used and an agreement is reached prior to conception. A parent is someone who raises a child, not someone who donates cells to another couple so that they can parent children. While I believe that a donor should have the responsibilty to answer questions that any offspring might have, a donor does not and should not have a right or responsibilty to 'parent' a child produced from his/her donation. He or she might be their genetic 'father' but genetics is where it ends.
Given that the idea is to protect the interests of the child, in what way does co-parenting a child with a complete stranger help?
Richard
Lia,
I don't want my child to see his/her donor as a stranger. My children will have the chance to meet and know their donor when they reach 18, as I believe all DC children and adults should. I can't, for one moment, suggest that I think withholding information about any donor is a good thing or should even be allowed. I agree wholeheartedly that it is wrong for anyone to be allowed to donate anonymously and that the law allows that practice. I can't imagine how heart-wrenching it must be for a DC person to know that someone sitting on the other side of a desk knows everything about their genetic father but refuses or is not allowed to tell them. That is just cruel.
You're correct when you say that the introduction of a 3rd person into the relationship I have with my wife makes me feel insecure but, again, that is the price I pay, and am prepared to pay, to have a family. I recognise that the 3rd party is in my child and that I will always owe him a great deal. I know that he will be in my children, but so will I. Indeed every parent looks at their children sometimes and sees a stranger in them, it's just in my case the fact will be true.
I really don't understand what all the fuss is about. If DC is carried out with the appropriate laws in place and by caring and understanding parents then I see no reason why a successful, stable and happy family cannot be created.
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