Letter to Michael
For those who haven't been introduced, Michael Linden, is an ex donor who now believes that DI conception ought to be stopped. He his a member of a group called "tangledwebs" and You can find his blog "here".
Now I'm the kind of person who will always be opened to hearing from people whose beliefs might be different than mine. I believe that it is not only of utmost importance but that there is much to learn when looking at issues from another perspective.
Although I am happy for Michael to post freely on my blog even though I find some of his views to be somewhat extreme, I would like to comment on his last post which I'll quote ..
"Michael said...
Ultimately, the medical practitioners and infertility clinics are culpable and also the governments which via inadequate legislation or none at all have allowed them to get away with violating the donor conceived persons' rights. People seeking fertility treatment are merely pawns in their game and, of course, reliable sources of ongoing revenue."
To refer to TTC DI couples as "merely pawns" is rather demeaning. All couples make an informed choice. It's not as easy as trying to decide whether you're going to go for a pistachio or a chocolate gellato, it takes a lot and I mean a lot out of TTC couples.
It's a very hard decision to take and it is not taken lightly. We make a choice and accept the responsabilities.
It's somewhat arrogant to assume that we are being manipulated by the medical profession. It is a long and painful journey for most of us, some will call upon the generosity of a donor and the help of the medical profession but for others it will break them and they will forever loose their sense of purpose in life.
Now if you feel more comfortable being refered to as the "biological father" rather than the "donor", that's fine by me because it's really just about being politically correct more than anything else as far as I am concerned.
This is not about who is right or wrong, however may I suggest that when trying to bring your point of view across, you do so while keeping in mind that some of the people referred to as "merely pawns" are not just an abstract concept, they are very much alive and deserve some respect.
All in all let's face it no one is going to win a debate based on emotions. You are most welcome to keep on posting on this blog but please just don't patronise us.
3 Comments:
Sorry I raised your hackles. I have every sympathy with the position of the infertile. That is why I wanted to make clear that I think the people who thought up the idea of DC and continue to promote and provide it are ultimately responsible. Nevertheless, however informed you might be about the consequences for your wished for child by your counsellors etc, the fact remains that you will perforce be separating that child from one its biological parents, genetic inheritance etc and, even though you might choose an identifiable donor, there is no guarantee that your child will ever get to have as full a relationship with them that they might one day wish to have. Maybe 'pawns' was too strong an appellation. However, my anger is directed fully towards those I named, not you. By the way, TangledWebs new website is up and running, albeit in a somewhat rudimentary form as yet, and can be viewed at: www.tangledwebs.org.au
PS. Thanks for still being so generous as to link my blog. It's slow going but eventually i hope to give people a better understanding of why I was perhaps pre-determined to become a sperm donor as well as why I
am now so firmly opposed to DC.
Regards, Michael (michael_linden_au@yahoo.com)
Welcome DD to the world of blogging and the power of comments. Over time I have had more than a few "comments" that have raised my hackles but as long as folks are civil it allows sometimes for a healthy exploration of views. - E
p.s. The word verification will ensure no "comment spam" which is a pain to clear out.
hi there. i'm a donor conceived girl (23 years old) who was conceived using an anonymous sperm donor. i think saying that using the term biological father is just being p.c is somewhat offensive. it's not at all about being p.c, to me it's about representing the true relationship i have between the man who helped to create me with my mum. to me sperm donor is an offensive term. my father is not merely someone who whacked off into a cup, he is someone who i share history with, whether we have met or not. i share his family, i see him when i look into the mirror, even though i have no idea what he looks like. i share his ethnicity, although this is also something i do not and can not (i have been told) know.
And in defense of Michael Linden i would like to say that he is one of the most mature, honest, and down to earth people i have ever met. not only has he taken responsibility for his past actions in donating sperm as a young student, but gone further to understanding what it is like for his donor conceived people, like myself. Not many people are willing to listen to those donor conceived people who are unhappy with the way in which they were conceived, usually we are told we are ungrateful, but i think it takes a strong and compassionate person (sperm donor or not) to really try to understand the real issues that this practice entails. And the real issues are not as pretty as the infertility industry would like you to believe.
I think that the infertility industry has a lot to answer for, as Michael pointed out. The same mistakes are being made with donor conception as have been made in the past with adoption. An intentional seperation of a person from half or all of their family, to me, is incomprehensible. Is it not true that adoption is now seen as a last resort, because it is best to keep a child with their biological family as long as they are not harmful to that said child? To put it simply, in my eyes i don't understand why i can't know my biological father or my paternal family. It is the government who allowed and aided the medical proffession to make laws that mean many people's birth certificates are in fact a legal fiction (a lie), that means many people don't know their true identity, and also means that many donor conceived people are left to pick up the pieces of a well thought out 'treatment' that actually is seperating them from half of their genetic history.
Not to mention the ways in which clinics seperate half siblings.. you only need to look at the donor sibling registry to see how important it's now becoming that people are reunited with their kin.
I could go on about what else is wrong with this industry, but alas i think i have rambled on enough.
If you really want to understand why TangledWebs has been established I suggest you start doing some research about the need to establishing an identity for ones self.. where that stems from.. why it is important to every single human being.. i think this link might be useful: www.livejournal.com/~we_are_dcp (a community i started)
I will leave it at that. I'm sure more comments or posts will stem from here...
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