Liam Markus
On February 22nd 2004, the Australian branch of the TV program called "60 minutes " ran a story on DI which aired on channel 9. The interviewer was Tara Brown, I have edited it on purpose to highlight the responses to questions by a young DC man named Liam Markus who seems to be happy about who he is.
"INTRO — TARA BROWN: Back in the '70s it was seen as a noble community service, giving real hope to infertile couples … sperm donors, mostly young men, mostly students who did their bit to help create happy families. And in Australia alone, an estimated 10,000 babies were born thanks to this artificial insemination program. A happy ending you'd think, but no, those babies have grown up and many are disenchanted. Some are desperate to trace their biological fathers and some feel so cheated they want the whole program stopped to prevent any more children being born this way."
"......TARA BROWN: So what do you know about your donor father?
LIAM MARKUS: I know that he went to Duntroon Military College for two years, at least.
TARA BROWN: Twenty-five-year-old Liam Markus was conceived in Canberra thanks to a donation from a young military student.
Do you look into the faces of strangers you see on the streets and say, "I wonder if you could be my dad?"
LIAM MARKUS: Yeah, sometimes … yeah, I mean, of course it crosses your mind, you know, if someone sort of looks similar or something, but yeah, not normally.
TARA BROWN: He knows very little about his biological father and, apart from learning his medical history, has no driving urge to find him.
LIAM MARKUS: I think it's a brave decision, yeah. I mean, it can't have been easy to go into a sort of fertility clinic knowing that you're donating sperm to make people. Yeah, I'm glad that he did. I thank him for his genes wherever he may be and I'm really glad that he did.
TARA BROWN: And what did you think of your parent's decision to conceive you in this way?
LIAM MARKUS: It tells me they wanted me pretty bad, yeah. And I also feel very warm about that. They've obviously gone through a lot of pain and trouble to bring me into the world and I appreciate that fact.
......
TARA BROWN: For adults like Liam, the only chance they have of finding their biological fathers is if those men contact one of the voluntary registries throughout Australia. Even today, donors are still anonymous, except in Victoria, where, since 1998, they must be identifiable.
How do you feel about people who say that they have a right to know their biological history at all costs?
LIAM MARKUS: I mean, I respect their beliefs. I believe that I can understand how it could really become an overriding factor in your life. But as for myself, I'd have no desire to sort of go out there and make it the be-all and end-all of my life, and I'm happy."
http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/sixtyminutes/stories/2004_02_22/story_1035.asp
posted by MAX at 5:05 PM
5 Comments:
Lia -
Where I have never denied that many donor conceived persons have issues of "genetic bewilderment" as you term it that should be addressed and recognized the comments made by Mr. Markus are that for some the issues have not resulted in such pain or life overriding depression (my words not his obviously). Yes it is an issue that may change over his lifetime. I will not deny that. But I would ask that TW acknowledge that for some DC persons it is a non issue just as non DC persons must acknowledge that the issues exist and that the pain that many feel is real.
- Eric (DI Dad)
"Non issue" is probably too strong of a term. It was not meant to convey that the fact of their conception had no effect but just that the effects are minimal and just part of their life. - Eric
I highly question whether donor conceived people who say that are perfectly fine with not knowing who their biological parent is, only because as you say yourself it can change over time.
I also know of donor conceived people who say they have no desire to search for their father, but this is the same case as with adoptees too.
I think there is a lot of pressure on donor conceived people, as is with adoptees, to say they are ok with their situation because they want to protect their parents and don't want to open pandora's box, so to speak. I too said for years that i didn't want to know who my father was and that i was happy.
Until i grew up and realised that in fact i was not. It took a lot of inner strength to be honest and admit to my parents, family and friends that i was feeling a little upset at not knowing that that i would be searching as much as i could.
I am lucky that my parents are very supportive of me, but i think if i thought they would have rejected me on any level for searching or going public with this that i wouldn't have done so.
I also think just on a personal level, even if your parents are supportive, it's a huge step to openly admit that you want to search. For some people i believe they have the desire to know deep within themselves, but would prefer not to search because of the possible pain that would cause themselves. I know for myself it would have been much easier had i chosen to not care, but i had to be honest with myself and i am glad that i did, because i feel much better dealing with these feelings than letting them sit there as though nothing was wrong.
There is a great site that compares donor conception with adoption that i have linked to my page. It's called "BloodLines", you should check it out if you get the chance.
And i agree, the pain that many donor conceived people feel is real, but it's not always so easy to come to terms with. This is a new path for the human race and people like myself, a member of the first generation of donor conceived people, are only now beginning to really tell what it is like. I am sure we will hear of many others who share the feelings that i do.
When I was younger I shared the same view as Liam Markus. As time wandered on, I questioned the ethical merits of it all. I became very put off by all the posts I had read from parents who simply disregarded the importance of their childs right to know and be known by half of their biological family. Simply by resorting to 'donor' conception, unknown and even known, they have denied the importance of the bio father/mother relationship. Life is beautiful no matter how we come to be but the debate is not about life, it is about the ethical and moral merits of DC.
Hi Liam,
i think it's fair enough for you to feel as you do, however don't you think that it is unfair of doctors/government to deny us of this information that in reality really pertains to our identity?
Shouldn't it be our choice, whether we take it up or not, to access such information or to search?
You say if the chance arose you would welcome meeting your biological father, so it must mean something to you, surely?
I think that those of us who do care a lot (like myself) in knowing our true birth origins are also capable of being "happy". I have never claimed to be a depressed person. I am happy too, but obviously we feel differently about knowing such information. It's the same case for adoptees, but we differ from them in that we are told we are not allowed to know our true birth information.
If the information about who your birth father is was available, would you want to access it?
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